We’ve had an amazing week, packed full of mama and son time, without too many tears and frustrations along the way. Don’t get me wrong, we’ve had a few bumps this week – one too may poo explosions and a lot of restless nights, but it’s all been forgotten in the morning and bizarrely we’ve been able to face the day, and leave the house. In the past, if we’ve had a difficult night, I’ve used it as an excuse to cancel play dates, avoid baby groups and hibernate at home, while feeling like a failure for doing so.
Being a mama is hard, really hard, but despite this I’ve battled my mum guilt almost every day.
If we don’t go to baby group, I feel guilty. If we miss bath and bedtime routine, I feel guilty. If I cancel a play date because we’ve had a bad night, I feel guilty. If I don’t have the confidence to venture out to a new baby group, I feel guilty.
I’ve never quite felt good enough, or that I’m doing enough to make each day interesting or help with his development. But this week, for the first time, we’ve had a brilliant week and I’m finally feeling more like a confident mama than a failure.
We’ve been to two new baby groups, a soft play date with friends and even squeezed in a doggy play date for Poppy, as well as our usual baby groups. It’s been a week of dashing around, catching up with friends and watching little N explore and enjoy new activities.
It might not seem a lot, we’ve had busy mornings, and quiet afternoons (with our daily dog walk) but for me, it’s been a week to celebrate. I’ve not struggled, and despite the sleepless nights, I’ve been full of beans and ready to tackle the day. It’s taken a long time, and a few difficult weeks and a few very very difficult days, but little N and I have finally figured it out.
He’s enjoyed the new groups, quick to crawl away and explore the new toys and meet new friends. He never looks back, never looks for me, which is reassuring to see but at the same time I feel like he’s growing up too fast, he no longer relies on me all the time. What happened to my little boy? He’s so confident, independent and even if none of the other children stop to play with him, he’s happy and content on his own. Proud mama.
It’s made life at home that much easier too, little N’s happy to play on his own, which has meant I’ve actually been able to drink a cup of coffee before it goes cold! I’ve been able to stop and take in every moment. He’s growing up too fast, but it’s also making things easier for us to get through each day.
Fingers crossed we have the same energy and determination to make next week as fun filled and chaotic, because I’ve loved it, and so has little N. He might have skipped morning nap times completely, but it doesn’t matter. We’ve been too busy to stop and notice and there’s still afternoon nap times for me to catch my breath and scribble a few blog ideas down.
This week I’ve laughed at his babbling, cheeky looks and determination to escape and find the nearest stairs to climb. I’ve been proud to watch him play happily on his own and not be phased by older children accidentally knocking him down. I’ve jumped up and down as he’s taken his first steps with his walker and then speed across the front room. I’ve been able to keep on top of housework, and let it go when our adventures have taken priority.
It’s now Friday night, he’s asleep (for now) after another bath time and giggles with Mr A. The boys have managed a full week of bath and bedtime routine and without any tears or tantrums – except when it’s time to get out! Mr A is now making his signature thai curry and I’ve got a G&T poured. The perfect end to the perfect week.
But before the euphoria of our week fades, I wanted to scribble it all down in a quick post. It’s nothing fancy, but this is why I started blogging, to make sure that moments, weeks like this one are not forgotten.
Tomorrow we’re off to visit the in-laws, and this week will seem like a distant memory as I spend the next two days feeling like an outsider, knowing that even after 11 years with Mr A, I’m still not considered to be family. What fun!
I hope you’ve all had a good week. Have you had a day or week like mine where’s it’s all come together and you feel on top of the world? Let me know below!
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